Feeling Lost

It's funny how emotionally drained a person can be. I mean I feel like I should have recovered by now and I am trying to get past but I am just not making. I find myself checking not because I don't trust but because I am afraid. I'm not this person. I shouldn't have to be this person and yet all I keep doing is wondering what's going on. I'm lost. Completly lost, I've never been here before and I find that I am having a hard time coming back from it. I don't know what to do, and if I say anything it's "Aren't we passed this?" But here I am, still stuck, unsure of what is going on. For the reassurance that was there yesterday is slowly slipping away today and I can't help but go back to that place. Can I stress, I am not this person. I am not that so blinded with jealusy that I can't make it over the hump, but I am so lost and alone that I can't seem to get out of the slow downward spiral I seem to be putting myself in. Am I tortoring myself because I feel that I need it? Or am I seeing something that is not there, but truly is? I feel disconnected and no matter how hard I try it doesn't seem to be getting back. Have I lost? Was there even a way to win? I can't talk about it because it's eggs shell that I am walking on. What else do I do? What else can I do? I'm isolated and even though it wouldn't seem like it I am truly alone in this silent battle. So alone that all I can do is go over it in my head a thousand times and not be sure what else to do. God what do I do.