To My Pop

I think that last time I was in this spot I watched as the cursor continued to blink for at least an hour. My mind was so full of thoughts but I couldn't get them out. Today, it seems like its the same. So many things have changed in the last year but and as I go back over the last few days I know that there is still more to come.
What does it mean to be a Pryor? This question was answered last night with all the people who joined us to celebrate the wonderful life of my grandfather. You work hard, you play hard, you love hard. You never let 'em see you cry and you show 'em you can sweat it out. But most of all you hold your head high no matter the situation. Well last night we were able to bow our heads and let our world crumble with grace and love from so many people. I think we were all humbled by the turn out. Poppy has touched so many lives. I didn't go up to speak last night because for some reason words that normally come so easy to me couldn't come at all. My heart has been breaking and though I know that day by day it will get better right this moment it's hurting.

So many times over the past few days I have been told how someone is sorry for our loss. I am so grateful for those thoughts and words but if you knew my Pop then you would know that he would tell you he is not lost, he has just relocated, in fact he would sit you down and give you directions so that you were aware of exactly where he was. This was a man who loved a good story and loved life. He loved his beautiful wife who was his best friend and companion in life for 57 years. He loved his kids who he helped raise and mold to the adults they are today. He loved his grandchildren who held his heart despite our faults. He loved us regardless of how we acted, though he demanded respect he taught each of us what it means to work for it. He loved his great-grandchildren who he cherished and spoiled on a regular basis. I remember that the older kids at one point or another asked if he had lost his mind when we learned of what one of the younger ones were able to get away with. But that was Pop he mellowed with age, he decided that he was going to enjoy those kids no matter what and he did.
My Poppy lived and extraordinary life and I only hope that as my little Mini grows that I can do his stories justice. I hope that as she grows she will remember the great times as we had so many. It was commented last night how he had a "Magic Belly" We were all fortunate to have taken a nap on it at one time or another. There was just something about that man that you knew you could talk to him about anything. You could sit and talk with him no matter what the subject and he would have some insight into it. He was our sounding board when we were frustrated and a shoulder to cry on. Even as adults the older kids could still crawl in his lap just because we needed our Pop.
Don't get me wrong our family wasn't and isn't perfect but we were a family that would still what was needed to be done because he asked it. One of the deep conversations we had was of my little Sophia and last night I was reminded again about how much we had been through for the last year. Well this is just one more thing to make us stronger. I know he is up in Heaven right now teaching my little girl how to ride and I know that he loving every minute. I know that he is no longer in pain and that he looking down on us wondering why we are crying. But most of all I know that we were all loved. He felt that he lived a full life with love and family and friends. He said he was grateful that he had been able to hold every single one of his kids, grandkids and great-grandkids. But we were the lucky ones. Even when he was being a butt he was still the best.
I remember as a kid I actually stood up to someone and asked "Do you know who my grandfather is?". I got whatever it was I was looking for that day. Roo said I made him believe that we were in the mafia with how we spoke of the man. I still laugh at that idea, and it could have been the way he carried himself but when my Pop spoke you listened.
So today we will finish out this tough week. Last night we celebrated his life and we listened to how he impacted others. Today we tell him goodbye and though I know its another day that will be filled with tears, its a day that I feel we have to experience. My little Mini did something last night that I could not, she spoke. She was calm when she told a room full of people that he was loved and that he will be missed. She held her head high when she took that stage. Pop would have been very proud of how she represented herself and the family. Every person who spoke did a wonderful job. This has been a suck week but we are going to make it through.
Happy Trails Pop, Though I know you have left us for today it doesn't mean that we won't see you tomorrow. You stood beside us all and held us together for so long and now its time for us to take that step. We've got this, you just rest and hang with the horses in the sky. Love you.

A Heart Break Kind of Day

 Hello to all my faithful readers, happy Saturday even if it doesn't really feel so happy to me right now. I've been through some pretty hard times and like I've said before I've let you all go through them right along with me. Strangely it helps to know that as I walk through this life I do not walk alone and I would like to think that you my readers feel the same. Since I tend to have little to no filter when it comes to my life I figured that this should be no different. The picture to the left is of me and my grandfather when I was a baby. My Poppy was a man who, as he would say, started from nothing but held a lot. I would sit and listen to him for hours as he told me about his history about how hard he worked to get to this place. As a kid I looked up to him, I remember helping and volunteering when he cooked for his old job for Christmas Parties. I learned from him what hard work was and what one would do for those you love. It was not always good times and the man could make you madder then most but he was everything to so many. He was someone who loved his family above all else and his family greatly loved him. He met the love of his life where they worked. He talked to her into giving him a chance and they shared many years together. They were able to not only hold onto their children, but their grandchildren and great-grandchildren, every single one of them. There was never a dull moment when he was involved.

On one of our many talks he told me how he thought my grandmother was the prettiest girl he'd ever seen and how he knew there was just something about her that said forever. I remember that day because I thought to myself that I hope to have a love like that. He told me stories of going hunting and some of the things he got to do and though some of those stories I felt like I'd heard them over and over again I would sit in the barn and listen as he cleaned his saddle. Even as an adult I would hang onto every word that man said whether it was about riding his bicycle into places he shouldn't have been as a kid or what he thought we should be doing with the horses the next weekend. It was a time a I cherished. As many of you know I lost my youngest daughter last year and at the time I felt like my world crumbled down around me. But as I was taught, you pick yourself up, you dust yourself off and you move ahead.  This morning my world once again fell apart around me when I got the call. My heart stopped as once again I was having to say goodbye except this time it wasn't after knowing him for only 62 hours, this time it was after having him in my life for 31 years. How do you say goodbye? But then I think of my grandmother and of the love they have shared. We, as a family have teased them for many things, but their love for each other was always 1st. No matter the situation he always put his wife first, and this was another lesson among many that we were taught. Love unconditionally, and we did. No matter how many time we would groan at his new tall tale each and everyone of us were proud to call him our grandfather.

 Something he loved more than anything were his horses, it's something he passed down to my dad and to Mini. Even when he was told he shouldn't, the man continued to ride. He took pride in his horses and he enjoyed working with them. He enjoyed the parades and the dressing up. He lived such a full life that it spilled on to other people. I have been with him when we would go somewhere and he'd start talking to some kid. The kid didn't have to listen to him. Hell anyone could have just got up and left, but when my Poppy started talking you'd find yourself listening. You'd see the awe in the person's eyes as he shared some antidote or piece of wisdom. Even the kids he would substitute for. I can honestly say in all my 31 years it was very rare for me to hear someone refer to him by his last name. Even growing up people would refer to him as Pop or Poppy. For the longest time I believed that was his name, then I actually thought that in some way we were kin caused everyone called him Poppy just like me. Now, I see it as a sign of respect. If the man didn't care or you, well you would never really have known it for the most part. There are still so many things I would like to say or even some of the greatest stories ever but I think I'll leave it with this one: The Tattoo Story.

All of the 1st generation of grandchildren have at least one tattoo. There are five us (not including spouses). And we each have shared with our grandfather when we got a new one. The only one of mine he actually said he liked is the angel wings that I have my little girl, after I showed him my first one he sat me down and gave me his tattoo story and it was as follows.
"There was a traveling tattoo artist, he would come into town for a week or two then leave again this would continue on and off. One day I decided I wanted one. So I went and paid him my money. I spend $25" (at this point I would point out the great deal that was and he's roll his eyes) "well he told me to meet him later and I did and then he got his machine on." Pop rolled up his sleeve and showed me his arm "You see this right here?" (Oh I saw it alright it was a freckle,lol) "Yes sir,"
"Well that's as far as I would let the guy go. I though came to my senses and went on home. Now don't you think it's silly for you to have spent your money?" (This was the story he told me after I got my first tattoo and he would change it over the years for me but would always ask me if I felt it was a waste of money.) On this first story I smiled at him, I had just shown him the moon and star on my ankle (I was proud) "Well no I don't."
He said "Why's that?"
"Cause I didn't pay for it." I had just turned 18 and all I wanted was money for my birthday so it became a joke between us. That the "Family" began my tattoos and that his little freckle later became nothing, he never even let the artist touch him and how he lost $25.

Good times or Bad I loved that man and I am going to miss him. But I know that he is in a better place and I know that he is in no pain. I know that my sweet little girl has welcomed him with open arms as all the others who's lives he has touched. We were very fortunate that this was man god graced our family with.
I love you Poppy and thank you for everything.....

Thank you readers for letting me share my life with you once again.