As I was looking through Mini's phone (yes she has a phone and yes I do request the privilege of going through it at whatever time I wish to ask) I was scrolling through her Instagram account when I discovered to my astonishment that these young ladies (I do mean young) are once again showing their Mean Girls skills and have brought bullying to a whole new level. I have to give it to my girl, not one of the mean comments or threats where from her. Though the one comment that I did see from her did become an instant learning experience. (I'll get into that in a minute) It was here that I learned that this girls (who by the way are between 8-10) have taken their bullying ways from the playground and the snide remarks in the regular setting and have now began taking their frustrations out over social media. Now, I know that this is truly nothing new as this has been going on for quite sometime, but as our schools are giving our children email addresses and certain responsibilities that go along with this I feel that we, as parents, need also to once again step in and actually do our jobs. Parent.... So with that being said I have once again decided to give a quick Parenting 101 on how to work with your child and the whole Social Media thing.
1) Talk to your child: This is an important one that we all miss as parents. We tend to ignore our kids for various reasons:
a) we had a long day
b) we had a bad day
c) we have other stuff on our minds.
Whatever the reason and those are just three of the more prominent ones. Keeping a line of open communication with our kids will allow for an insight to what is actually going on in their world today. So you may not care that Little Johnny acted out for the 9th time in class, but if you wait you may learn that it was due to something that he may have said and that your child feels that it is questionable.
2) Expose them to the world: Besides actually treating them like that have something important to tell us (which in their minds they do) we need to allow them to see the world. Now before you flip out please note I am not saying let's take our children on some drunken bender, or introduce them to the more seedy things in life as they are kids and they will of course learn this. What I am suggesting is that you can't hide every bad or negative thing from them. There is such a thing as being too sheltered. I want Mini to be a kid for as long as she can but if she asks those questions or hears those statements I am going to answer.
3) Teach right from wrong: It's silly that I must put this out there, but I'm going to. There is a right and wrong for a reason folks. Teach your kids. Teach them that it is no only in "real-life" but also in the "cyber-world" as well. Teach them early, talk to them often, and show them right way.
4) Be aware: Again the whole point of this post today. Be ware of those that you are allowing your child to follow on any social media. Be aware of those that are following your child. Be aware of whats going on around them. Regardless of what is said, YOU are still their parent.
5) Once it is out there: This is one of the most important things I think we need to teach our children. Just like gossip, just like normal everyday words. Once it is out there on Social Media there is no going back. A little friend of Mini's placed a picture a cute little kid and said "He asked me out" Mini and this little girl kind of gushed about it for a moment. Then Mini said "OMG she's so gonna Kill you" talking about another little friend. When I read this I immediately called Mini into the room and told her this was what her father and I had been talking about. This conversation had been going on over Instagram. We told her that anyone could see that and though I may have made a big deal about I told her that the "she's gonna kill you" could be considered a threat. Now I know that this was only said as a way of expression and that Mini didn't mean it, she stated that she could just "Delete" it, I took this an opportunity to teach a lesson. So here it is
Take a piece of paper and write the most negative thing you can think of......Now rip it up....
She was confused but she did what I asked. "whats this do?" she asked.
"Absolutely nothing" I told her as we ripped the paper in to a few more small squares. But then I laid some of the pieces down and I said "That was a delete" she still looked confused and then I went on "But tell me even by ripping the paper, did you make it clean? Or is there still writing on it?"
Mini answered that there was still writing, I nodded and told her "That's exactly what happens with computer and social media, you see just because you wrote it, you sent it and then you thought 'oh no' and you deleted it doesn't mean the damage hasn't already been done. Just like this paper, you wrote it, you saw it, you ripped it up, but it didn't erase the fact that it was still there."
6) Always learn/teach: We are evolving parents. I am lucky that I did not grow up in a completely digital age. Our pictures of our mistakes were taken on actual film and not plastered all over the internet for all the world to see. I am learning that somethings need to remain private and yet I am able to choose what parts of my life to share. I am teaching my daughter that even as someone as kind of heart as she is, that even she can make those mistakes. I give her the show of freedom without actually giving her true freedom so that I am able to help her grow and learn. I would rather she learn with me by her side then learn later that it was something she felt that she had to hide.
Parents, though I believe our teachers have a responsibility to guide and teach our children it is also our responsibility to continue with their lessons. Don't be the parent with the over tight hold on their kids because they wish to shelter them. Be the parent that is moving right along with them. Show them that to have strength and courage you must not only stand up for yourself but also to make the decision to know whats right. Teach your 8-10 that yes there are cuss words in the world and yes they may hear quite a few of them from you, but there is a time and a place for them to be said. And at 8-10 years of age that's not it. This kids are growing up so fast that they are missing out on being kids.
I know this may anger a few parents but at the same time at least let it open your eyes. I am not a perfect parent. I am guilty of everything I have pointed out. But I make sure that before Mini is allowed to say it, that she has an understanding of what "it" is or means. Because once it comes out of your mouth you have to take ownership of saying.
Today's lesson was not only on teaching social media but of also teaching ourselves. We have to do better or our worlds will crumble. Don't just preach/teach the values that you want them to learn. Show them. We are, as parents, the first teachers our children have. They watch us, learn from us, mimic us. Be less judging of others and show that everything you want for your child is everything you are truly teaching the.
Happy Days
