Sadness/The next step

Hello to all my faithful readers. It has been a while since I wrote to you and in that short while a lot has happened. Please just hang with me for a moment as I get trip through this blog today. I probably should have written sooner but I just couldn't make it through so here I am, going to give it my best shot.
Last Tuesday, Feb 21st at 6:08 am our little girl was born. Sophia Michelle weighed 8lbs 12oz, she had a head full of black hair and brown eyes. I can honestly say she was the most beautiful baby I have ever seen. She had a little bit of all of us in her, she had my chubby cheeks and flinstone feet. Mini's sweet little nose and lips and her daddy's dimple in her chin.
As many of you may already know 60hrs after her birth Sophia left us on Feb 23rd at 7:33pm. (This is the part that I struggle with) Her little body just couldn't do it any longer and neither Roo or myself wanted to continue to put her through that pain, as much as we wanted her with us we made that hard decision for our daughter after many tears and denial we began to say our goodbyes. No matter what though we knew from just the bit that we had her that she truly was not ment for this world but we were blessed that we got to be her parents.
So with that being said we are going to the next step. Mini has been awesome through all of it, she has been a shining light for us as she has kept her head held high. She would see us all crying and ask "Are you crying again?" in her little exasperated voice. When I finally came home and looked at Sophia's empty room, Mini came in and cried for a moment with me. She looked around and asked "So my sister really won't be coming here?" I told her "Thats right, she is with our lord and looking down us." She seemed to take this information in for a moment then sniffed, nodded and asked "So, I can have my playroom back?" it's those little moments that just blow you away. I know that she may not fully understand everything, I wonder if it is because she hadn't been able to see her until that last night or if this is just her way of working through it but it brought a smile to my face and made me more proud about how strong she really is.
A few things that have been mentioned to us during this time or that have been asked of us. First was were we angry. The honest truth is....No, not once during this horrible time have Roo or I felt anger. In her short time she touched many lives. We have also been surrounded by so much out pourning of love that we have truly felt more blessed then anything. They say there is a reason for everything and though we may not understand the reason we know that we were chosen for this and we will take it day by day and we will, with the help and love of our family and friends, become stronger parents and a stronger couple. We will not let this break us. The other question that we have been asked, though not as loudly, is if we will try again at somepoint. This answer is a little more touchy but since I have never hid from anything I will answer this here as well. Even if we decide at a later date that we would like to have another baby I would be physically unable to carry. During the c-section we requested that my tubes be tied. Though over the past week I have, of course, questioned that choice Roo and I both still stand behind it for several reasons. The first and the most important is the fact that Roo doesn't want to put me through this agian. My first pregnacy with Mini was not the best experience and was infact hard on me, while this pregnancy went a little smoother it was still pretty difficult on me so there is that. I know I'm telling things that are not the business of others but again when I started this blog I invited everyone into my person life and I feel that it is my choice on what to share and when to share it. So for now we are happy with the sweet girl that we have been fortunate enough to have.
I'm sure that I will blog about my thoughts and feelings and that it may get a little frustrating for my readers, I am sorry for this but this is how I cope with things by writing it down. I may or may not share it but this is how I deal. Our next step now is start healing. This has been a very emotional week and we still have some hard things to do coming up but again we will get through it. Well I've taken up enough time for today. I think it's time for me to relax a bit or Roo will get mad. I have to keep remember that I'm still healing and that I am truly not suspose to be doing all of this moving around but I'm working on it.
Later days

The love of my life

Hello my faithful readers. I hope today has treated you all well. For me it's just feeling like another day. Yesterday was Valentines Day and I got spend it with two of my most favorite people. Roo and Mini, though we are on a tight budget Roo still surprised both of us with beautiful roses and sweet cards. They have a daddy/daughter dance coming up and he got her a necklace and earrings for her to wear. She teared up just a bit. It was really sweet.  Mini also recieved a rose from a sweet little boy from school. I was a little surprised that she is growing up so fast but she would blush everyt time we would ask her about it. Valentines Day is another day to celebrate with the one you love and I feel blessed every day that I was fortunate enough to find that person. So Mini and I decided to take Roo out to dinner. Usually we don't do to much on this day as we met three days afterward but I just wanted to show how much I apperciate every thing he has done. 11 years ago this Friday we met and he showed me that you could fall in love at first sight. And though it has been a long journey I still cherish everyday I have with him. Love, like life, can be difficult. Even thoughs not so good times can seem ok when you love the person you are with and its something that we strive for. Even through the ups and downs we still face each day happy that we are together and face each new adventure with our heads held high. We have been lucky to have the sweetest little girl and now are even more blessed to be about to welcome our second and last little girl and we will continue to make the desicions and choices that will keep our little family happy and working.

Ok with that little bit of mushy rambling I would like to tell you all that everything will always work out so long as you are willing to work for it. Goodnight to all and happy hump day.

Hello Sunday

Hello there my wonderful readers and Happy Sunday to you. This weekend has been really fun for me even though we've had a little run of bad luck. Thankfully I can laugh it off. First this week we had a septic issue so I called the people to come and fix it and had it scheduled for Friday and then I realized I had stuff to do on Friday and asked them to come out on Thursday and they said no problem. So there I sat on Thursday all day long and guess what no people. I called them to see where this guy was and they informed me he was 15 min. away. Not a problem, then I find out on Friday morning (after his big no show) that he was on the right street in the wrong city. Really? So they were going to come on Friday afternoon, Thankfully later that day the guy did show up and we got the issue fixed. Then it was Saturday and that was the day of my shower. I had a great time with everyone that was able to come. I got alot of nice gifts. But that morning I woke up to find that our dryer quit working. Grrr.

So I made the best of it and continued on with my plans for the day. I needed to run and pick a few extra things then send Roo off to Boo's house where he was going to spend the day hanging out with him. Because after my party it was off to his house for his birthday. I'm really proud of my brother he got a new place and it was the first time that I was getting to see it. It was so cute and everyone had a good time, even Mini played until she was worn out. Of course she did alot of sweets that night and I figured she would be bouncing off the walls today. Bless her heart she just can't handle lots of sweets in her system. After the fun from last night we were going to get up and go down to the in-laws and thats when we found out the third little disaster for the weekend. Roo went to go get breakfast and found that we had a whole new flood on the outside of the house. This time on the other end of things. (Just what we needed. Our back yard is never going to dry up) So he called called in for some back up and luckly my dad was able to help us out. He told us what we would  need to get to fix it and it was on our way to one of our fave stores. Homedepot.  While the guys were shutting the water down and trying to figure out just what happened me and Mini started going through some clothes that were given to her. This little girl cleaned up big time. She is set for awhile and she is loving all the fun options she now has. After getting back to the house and Roo fixing the pipe it was time to wait for the glue to hold and dry. So we finished putting Mini's stuff up and made a little closet for baby mini then Roo had fun going through her stuff we got yesterday that he didn't get to see. We still have alot to get but we are off to a really good start. Well that is my fun weekend in a nutshell. Now to go finish relaxing. I think I will be going to bed early tonight Since I haven't actaully done that in the last few days. I can tell you that I am honestly ready to have my newest little one here. I'm ready to meet her and to be able to get comfortable again. Anyway I am going to leave this post with a new picture that was taken last weekend. I was so excited to do this because the last family picture we had was when Mini was about 9months old give or take and that was about it. Well then of course our vacation but get the idea. Happy Sunday and I hope you all have a happy week.

I hate Monday's

We are getting closer to the due date fo the new baby. We are getting closer to the shower (which I'm excited) I am getting closer to a mental breakdown....Ugh.  Monday's are always a baine to my exsitance and today of course was no better. Though the Mini woke up in a good mood she quickly went downward because she didn't like the color of jacket I told her to wear. "But it's purple" she complained. Here lately she has been on a big color trip and it's driving me insane. Then it was because the jacket would not fit into her backpack "Well lucky for you, your backpack isn't suspose to be wearing it." Before this new bit of crazy she was walking around the house trying to get her stuff together but still not wanting to go into her room because she couldn't see. "Mini, turn on the light" "I don't want to." (Yea, I've been hearing a lot of that lately.) Ok so I get Mini to school and she gets out with her purple coat (that does not match her pink sweater) and I have to watch her until she goes in just to make sure she continues to wear it.
The pink sweater was apart of yesterdays meltdown. We were going to go have our pictures done in the park (Which we had a blast and I can't wait to see) and she was originally going to wear her pink sweater, Roo made the comment that if I want us to all kind of blend then we need to wear similar colors. Ok for those that know me, ya'll know that I do not really own anything pink. Sorry not a big fan and Mini doesn't have any warm clothes that are black so Roo picked out different shades of blue. (I liked this idea) Mini starts to pout because it's blue and not pink so every time she thought we weren't looking before leaving the house she would turn her nose up and comment it "It's not pink, I wanted to wear pink" (She really likes pink)  Once we got to the park thankfully the sweater was forgotten but I couldn't help myself when she asked why we were taking daddy's car and not mine, "Cause daddy's car is red and I want to ride in something red." I know it's petty but I was a little annoyed at that point and I found the humor in it. So did Roo for that matter.
Now back to Monday after getting the Mini to school I headed back home and back to the warm cozyness of my bed. I can tell you that today has been a rollercoaster emotional, moody day for me and I wasn't really one for company so I went back to sleep. Then my phone started to ring and it was my grandmother giving me the update on what was going on.
After talking to her for a moment and then calling Roo to let him know I decided it was time to get up and be with people. So I headed over to visit with my mom so we could watch Wendy (How you doin?) So from there I had a really good day then it was time to go pick up the mini and start the rest of the evening. This is the part that my rollercoast went a little off track. See Roo let me know the F.Ones were not going to be able to make it to the shower (not a big deal there.) But then he delivered some other news that made my head spin just a touch. Then we get home and Mini decides thats when she want's to have her unstable moment. "Mini while your waiting for daddy to help you finish your homework, go get your clothes from your room. (Insert tears here.) Again her rollercoaster took off a lot quicker then mine. She tells me they are out of her room and I go into look and realize several things at once. First dirty clothes are still scattered around her room, Second she has once again spread her toys to Baby's room and third I feel myself control slipping. So I start picking things up and she starts crying harder because I caught her in a lie and I start cleaning her room. Then she decides she's going to help because she doesn't want me to hurt myself or sister. I'm pretty upset by this time from the last two hours of random crap and this is so not helping then Roo comes in and again so not helping so I finally decided they could do it and I went to be by myself so that I could try to calm my raging self down. Cause if not I was going to lose it and there was no telling who would be in the way.
So after all that things have finally settled down and once again it just proves why I hate Mondays. Now if only I can get through the rest of the week without bloodshed and tears then I will be ok.
Later days peeps