Hello to all my readers. I know that I've been driving people crazy these past few weeks with my babbling again this is a type of therepy for me also again when I started this blog I knew that for good or bad I was inviting everyone who reads into my world. My happy little world does get rocked from time to time and if I held things back then I feel that I am not holding true to what I originally set out to do. So just like a marriage through good times and bad I am allowing you all a glimpse into my life. As many of you know from me or even reading the past few posts we lost our sweet little baby after only 2 days of having her. To the right you will see her picture posted as I feel that I want to share her with you all. We have learned in the past few days that she was born with Vater syndrome.
Side story, when this was told to me over the phone I thought they were telling me she had Vader syndrome, When I told Roo he said "Like Star Wars?" to which I answered "Yea maybe she was Lukes father." I know bad joke but it was followed up with "So the force failed?" We have to have our sense of humor or we will crumble.
Now quick medical lesson: (Not something I do normally but I think I need to explain) Vater syndrome is a non-random association of birth defects (which means that there are many issues that are tied together) The downside with finding the actual cause of this is that since the defects are linked it is never known which gene or sets of genes cause this is.
Ok now with that being explained a little bit I don't feel the need to go into every minute detail of what was going on but I did want to make it clear that we are aware of what happened. I can also tell you, in case you my readers ever feel this way, that not everything is the fault of the diabetic. Over the past few explanation of what was going on I was told that it call could be traced back to my diabetic state. (Its hard to not think it was my fault when this is whats being told to me by doctors) After doing some research and finding out that it is seen more in diabetic mothers it is still unknown of the cause. And I was finally told by two physicians that there are cases that the mother was not diabetic and that this happened and both cases also had the same outcome. This made feel better, Roo of course tells me that if he ever hears me blame myself he may actually beat me. lol, I laugh becasue he fears my parents enough that he would never even consider laying a hand on me so to make that threat shows me his thinking process. After my appointment yesterday I still feel sad sometimes but I know there is a light at the end of the dark tunnel and I know I'm getting closer to it. He said I was healing well and of course that if I need anything to let them know. He did seem a little disappointed that I had decided to tie my tubes but said then told us both that we still had many options and that when we were ready they would be there to help us explore them. He mention surrogacy which I told him that I don't think that is an option for us either and thanked him. Roo and I have had that discussion and though I know this was not my fault I just don't want to take that chance or go through that again or even ask someone to go through that. The doctor understood said we still have other options then we moved on to new topics. This is something I will probably revisit in a later blog. We are not rushing into anything. We are going to take our time and heal, I think we are better for several reasons and those I will visit in future blogs. Now to get onto the other half of tonights Blog.
Thanks You!!
First off I have to tell you that family means everything to me. I know Roo feels the same, in fact that is one thing that drew us both together. I cherrish every day that I have with my family and I think we are fortunate enough to have the family that we have. Both sides of our family have been awesome during this time. Even if we don't all get along we were all able to come together and that is how it has always been. I have been told a few times that sometimes family and friends can just hover and may make the situation or the feeling more then what I may be ready to deal with. I can tell you that in our case this is could not be more wrong. In my family we face every bit of happiness and sadness together. We face it, we deal with it and we rise above and heal. So I want to give my awesome family a big thank you for their unwavering support. Whether or not some may have agreed with our choices over the years or even the last few weeks, they have continued to support and love us and for that we are blessed. We are thankful for the constant support because with out it these last few weeks we would not be as strong as we have been.
The other part of this is to our friends. Both Roo and I have realized that at times we are both big homebodies. Which we know we need to start changing espeacially for Mini because we want to be able to interact with other parents. But even though we are both socially awkward we have some of the best friends ever. One of those friends I met through the mothers day out program with our kids. And we have been friends ever since and I can honestly say that her family is just like my family.They have been great through this whole thing and the out pouring of love and support of others have shown us just how many friends we really have and we appericiate it. You never realize just how blessed you are until something happens and you are surrounded with love. So again to them I have to say thank you. We love you all and we are greatful for every single one of you. Ok its time to rest and put Mini in the bath. Goodnight to all my followers. You are awesome!!!
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