Sadness/The next step

Hello to all my faithful readers. It has been a while since I wrote to you and in that short while a lot has happened. Please just hang with me for a moment as I get trip through this blog today. I probably should have written sooner but I just couldn't make it through so here I am, going to give it my best shot.
Last Tuesday, Feb 21st at 6:08 am our little girl was born. Sophia Michelle weighed 8lbs 12oz, she had a head full of black hair and brown eyes. I can honestly say she was the most beautiful baby I have ever seen. She had a little bit of all of us in her, she had my chubby cheeks and flinstone feet. Mini's sweet little nose and lips and her daddy's dimple in her chin.
As many of you may already know 60hrs after her birth Sophia left us on Feb 23rd at 7:33pm. (This is the part that I struggle with) Her little body just couldn't do it any longer and neither Roo or myself wanted to continue to put her through that pain, as much as we wanted her with us we made that hard decision for our daughter after many tears and denial we began to say our goodbyes. No matter what though we knew from just the bit that we had her that she truly was not ment for this world but we were blessed that we got to be her parents.
So with that being said we are going to the next step. Mini has been awesome through all of it, she has been a shining light for us as she has kept her head held high. She would see us all crying and ask "Are you crying again?" in her little exasperated voice. When I finally came home and looked at Sophia's empty room, Mini came in and cried for a moment with me. She looked around and asked "So my sister really won't be coming here?" I told her "Thats right, she is with our lord and looking down us." She seemed to take this information in for a moment then sniffed, nodded and asked "So, I can have my playroom back?" it's those little moments that just blow you away. I know that she may not fully understand everything, I wonder if it is because she hadn't been able to see her until that last night or if this is just her way of working through it but it brought a smile to my face and made me more proud about how strong she really is.
A few things that have been mentioned to us during this time or that have been asked of us. First was were we angry. The honest truth is....No, not once during this horrible time have Roo or I felt anger. In her short time she touched many lives. We have also been surrounded by so much out pourning of love that we have truly felt more blessed then anything. They say there is a reason for everything and though we may not understand the reason we know that we were chosen for this and we will take it day by day and we will, with the help and love of our family and friends, become stronger parents and a stronger couple. We will not let this break us. The other question that we have been asked, though not as loudly, is if we will try again at somepoint. This answer is a little more touchy but since I have never hid from anything I will answer this here as well. Even if we decide at a later date that we would like to have another baby I would be physically unable to carry. During the c-section we requested that my tubes be tied. Though over the past week I have, of course, questioned that choice Roo and I both still stand behind it for several reasons. The first and the most important is the fact that Roo doesn't want to put me through this agian. My first pregnacy with Mini was not the best experience and was infact hard on me, while this pregnancy went a little smoother it was still pretty difficult on me so there is that. I know I'm telling things that are not the business of others but again when I started this blog I invited everyone into my person life and I feel that it is my choice on what to share and when to share it. So for now we are happy with the sweet girl that we have been fortunate enough to have.
I'm sure that I will blog about my thoughts and feelings and that it may get a little frustrating for my readers, I am sorry for this but this is how I cope with things by writing it down. I may or may not share it but this is how I deal. Our next step now is start healing. This has been a very emotional week and we still have some hard things to do coming up but again we will get through it. Well I've taken up enough time for today. I think it's time for me to relax a bit or Roo will get mad. I have to keep remember that I'm still healing and that I am truly not suspose to be doing all of this moving around but I'm working on it.
Later days