Story of Love and Life

Happy Sunday to all my faithful readers. I have been hearing and reading a lot about a blogger who sweetly and elegantly put "Marriage is Not for Me". Though his views are wise and have hopefully saved his marriage from the fate of divorce, it has cause a lot of thoughts to go through my head. Marriage is not a "Me" issue it is a "We" thing but at the same time you have to ask yourself what do you bring to the relationship. In some aspects a marriage can be seen like a business deal as both parties need to have something to offer. No I don't necessarily mean financial stability, though that could be a plus in the long run. I am talking friendship and love. Though we all want to believe in the everlasting love that is depicted in the movies or even wrote about in the book, most of us realize that kind of love takes work and it helps if you are able to go down this journey with your friend. 

I'm not saying that, that heart pounding, take your breath away, causes tears of joy kind of love does not exist or that it can not exist in an instant. What I am saying is that, that kind of love can fade and it takes work to be able to keep that feeling alive in some marriages. Sometimes once we are married we lose ourselves to the marriage and we think that because we have won the heart of our partner that we have the right to relax and not continue to try to keep those moments alive. So today's blog is about the journey of love and life of two people. We had a quick beginning and we are still together though some never thought it was possible. Many people are aware of how I met my husband, but for those of you that are new to my world I'll break it down really quickly for you. I'm not really a private person in some areas of my life and since we both tend to get a kick out of this story I will gladly share it for a back ground. 

I met Andrew (Roo) on February 17,2001 at work. I had been working for Wal-Mart for a while by this time and I was a senior in high school. It was his first day of work and if you have ever worked for a store like Wal-Mart you may know that you are taken on a tour of the store. I at the fitting room (which I would hang out quite frequently) with a friend of mine when we saw one of the older trainers with two guys. One was an extremely tall, lanky guy who could be classified as cute in a boyish kind of way. The other one was tall, brown hair blue eyes and had piercings he was wearing a white psych ward shirt (a shirt that I would later wear until I had to get rid of it) It was just something about the look of him that caught my attention I told my friend that I would marry that one. Of course she laughed but we went on about our way. I actually introduced myself to him inquiring if he needed help finding his size in the bra's that they were being shown by the trainer, he held one up and said "Nah I don't think you have my size" I smiled sweetly and replied "You can try the little girls section I'm sure they've got something for you" and needless to say we've been together ever since.

  From the moment that we met we became friends first. Roo was very adement about being my friend first since I knew that I was "talking" to someone else at the time. The more time we spent together the more that I realized that this really was the one that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. He held my heart as my friend. I am a person who at times is very guarded and he made sure that no matter what the issue he would scale any of the walls I put up between us. Though he would repeatedly tell me that he was not going to "chase" after me he did a pretty good job of  handling any of the crazy that was handed him.  Soon I decided it was time for the ulitmate test and I invited him along to meet the family. He was only told about meeting my parents but he met my brother and grandparents that way and I was able to show him my familyself (theres the self that we show others and the self that we are around family) My family liked him and I knew there was something special even when my mom called him by the wrong name he laughed it off  and saw the humor in it.  We still joke about that to this day. When he proposed he knew I would say yes so his proposal was not the most romatnic in the since that I cried happy tears. I cried, oh yes I cried but it was from tears of laugher. I mean being asked "So you think you want to?" is not really the way most girls want to be asked to marry them but for us it was perfect. We are very different then most, he recognized early on that though I am every bit a girl there was still something things that was even too girly for me and we compromised. We used this time of our engagement to grow with eachother. I had just turned 19 and we decided (with the accpetance of family) that we would begin our life. One the day of our wedding, we were both asked if we were sure. I mean lets face it one night as we were getting ready we had that magical discussion. You know the one where you talk about your fears?

How do we know that we will work out? What happens if we don't? What if we have kids?

So we discussed everything calmly and here is what we came up with at that time.

Tomorrow isn't promised, we need to live for today and learn from yesterday. We are only human and are not perfect but as long as we stay honest with each other then we can work through anything. Children are brought into this world with love so even if we did not work as a couple we would make sure that any child we may have would understand that they were still loved and that we would still find away to be friends and a family even if a different kind. If we don't work out then that is in the hands of GOD but we will work on anything we need to. Lastly the ultimate question came up. Do you believe in divorce? 

This is not a matter of religion but my answer to him was "You better be sure about me, I do not believe in divorce, I do believe in murder and I believe that I have acreage and a shovel and some really good alibis...So you need to be really sure before you get into this forever cause that whole death do us part thing is not really a suggestion as more of a fact even after death the whole we're gonna be apart is highly questionable." (yes i did say all this with a straight face) he thought for a moment and then nodded and said "Eternity to have you with me? Sounds good to me" and once again he won my heart.

The love part of our lives has always been the easy part. We are different in many ways and yet once people get to talk to us both they realize that we are the same...I just look like the sweet one. Our life together had been a little more up and down. He is still my best friend and I am thankful that I am walking this life with him. We have different views on some issue when it comes to how handle some situations. We have been through the death of several family members. We've been through the loss of a child and though I think I've went crazy sometimes, it helps to know that he will understand me...
Marriage is about me sometimes and its about him. Because we came together knowing what we could offer. He couldn't offer me riches but he offered his heart and his understanding and acceptance. He offered his strength when I was unable to have strength of my own. He makes it about me in the little things that he does to show that though I may have been a princess to my dad, I am a queen to him...(Lame to some but perfect to me) At the same time I came into this marriage offering myself, my love and my understanding and acceptance. I try to offer my sense of humor and optimism when there may not be any. I offered to help build a home and gave him two beautiful little girls even though only one could stay with us.
Marriage is a work in progress and nothing is ever perfect and over the years you will take each other for granted. You will fight, you will make up. For the gentleman who again so proudly stated "Marriage is not for me" you have realized early on into your marriage something that many do not. It's going to take work from both. We want it to be easy, we want it to be just like the movies "They met, they fell in love, they lived happily ever after" well in order to get to the Happily Ever After you need to go through the ups and downs, you need to be willing to grow with your partner. I can honestly say that I feel somedays that I've grown up with Roo, then again sometimes I think we still think we are kids in away. But the important part is that when we feel that we are going in different directions we are able to talk and are willing to reintroduce ourselves to each other.
There is a song by Paramore that I love Still Into You. the chorus of the song is what really sums it up for me and I'll leave you with that thought

I should be over all the butterflies
I'm into you
And baby even on our worst nights
I'm into you
Let them wonder how we got this far
Cause I don't even need to wonder at all
Yea after all this time
I"m still into you.